Dizzy

I'm so dizzy my head is spinning. Like a whirlpool it never ends...

The chorus of this song spends a lot of time in my head these days. The dizziness was the reason for this blog. I have so much spinning around in there it's driving me nuts. I needed a place to dump it all so here we are. Day to day my plate is pretty full. I've got a stressful job, a 3 hour and 20 minute round trip commute and all of the other stuff that goes into life- cooking, laundry, errands, etc. On top of this a have a second full time job.  Really you say? A second job??? What is this woman, a superwoman??? Yup. I spend hours and hours a week on intended parent admin. Today was Sunday and I half my day on it. I love lists so I'll make a little one here. Before I treat you to my list I have some news I haven't shared with you yet. Our GN arrives on Wednesday for our first transfer attempt. The transfer will be on Friday. As I type these words I am overcome with waves of nausea. It's a overwhelming combo of excitement, anxiety and downright terror. My to do list should explain this a bit.

-Complete application for backup health insurance policy for GN.  This is a policy that will cover her should her insurance carrier decide to deny her claims.  The insurance bit is a whole post of its own.
-Confirm flights and hotel for GN.
-Confirm that GN has flight and hotel details.
-Confirm massage for GN.
-Confirm acupuncture for GN pre and post transfer.
-Remind my love to email GN to see if she has any culinary dislikes. My love is cooking dinner for the three of us on Thursday night.
- Assemble gift basket for GN. This basket is full of treats and items to entertain her during her two days of bedrest.
-Assemble Easter gift bags for GN's two adorable daughters that she is leaving for 5 days to come here to try and have our baby for us.
-Contact hotel to make sure GN has a quiet room and free wifi for her stay.
-Make to do list for Wednesday before GN arrives. Buy large bottles of water, fresh fruits and veggies. cupcake (she's got a sweet tooth). Check into hotel for GN. Arrange gift basket, stock minibar with food so she has something to eat other than room service, buy magazines both trashy gossip and useful ones.
-Pay $15,000 in infertility related bills.
-Add all of these bills to the spreadsheet tracking costs to make sure we aren't running out of money.
-Convince myself not to worry about the following: GN missing flight. GN missing connecting flight. GN not passing final medical tests on Thursday. Embryos not surviving thaw. GN suffering from cramping or other discomfort after transfer. GN missing her family too much. GN's hubby and kids suffering too much while GN is here helping us. Negative pregnancy test in two weeks. Positive pregnancy test and then no heartbeat when they so the sonogram. Bad NT scan results. Bad amnio results. Miscarriage. Money. Money. Money. Worry that all of this worrying is having an impact on my work. On my health. On my waistline. On my formerly brunette head of hair. On my formerly wrinkle free face.

When I turn out the lights to go to sleep tonight I will be able to add 50 more items to this list. I seem to do more nocturnal worrying than sleeping these days. I'm trying hard to be all zen about this and take it minute by minute, but it's hard to do when you are as dizzy as I am. I'm so dizzy my head is spinning. Like a whirlpool it never ends.