Nada

Nada. All of the tests have been negative. This is starting to get old. We've moved up the official pregnancy test to Wednesday. Nobody is very hopeful that the result will be positive. Time to start thinking about next steps, but I am so terribly sick of next steps. I'm in a place I've been before. I want to pack it in, sell the house, car, furniture, jewelry, pots and pans, books and move to Africa to run an orphange. Maybe I'm not supposed to be a mom. At what point do I get the hint and give up? Maybe I am supposed to take care of other people's children. How much of my time and money do I spend on this? How much of my life do I want to give away to this? Yes, you are probably saying well, just don't focus on it, go ahead and live your life and stop thinking about this so much. If that's what you are saying to yourself you have never suffered from years of infertility. It takes over your life. It's like a full time job that instead of rewarding you sucks away every penny that you have. I know if I keep trying we'll have a child eventually but will we be elderly, angry and broke? When do we say when? I know I could muster the strength to keep going, but do I want to or should I just accept that this is not my path? Maybe I should listen to Einstein. "Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results." He's a smart man. Maybe I should listen to him.