The Shell Game

I really should have never stayed away from my blog for so long. First of all, I owe those of you who reached out over the past year a heartfelt thank you and apology for not responding. The miscarriage really threw me for a loop to put it mildly. I'll give you a really quick summary of what has happened.     My Love and I took an extended break from all things baby. In January we decided to move forward with adoption. We got the home study packet, started to fill it out and discovered that I was once again pregnant. Sound familiar? Yeah, well it's the same story. We had to stop the adoption process. They don't let pregnant women do home studies, and once again I miscarried. We took another little break and went back to the adoption process. In August our home study was approved. Within days of the approval I met a woman who had a friend who'd had luck with surrogacy in India. My Love was on board with adopting, but still had a little niggling sadness at the thought of not having a genetic child. Long story short, I leave for India one week from today to have my eggs retrieved. We will be transferring embryos to not one, but TWO women in India. Do I seem very calm about this whole thing? Yes, I am. I have very little hope that this will work. I am considering this a fun vacation with daily injections. I know that we will have a child someday. At this point it just a shell game. Which shell will the baby be hiding under? Adoption, surrogacy or my defective uterus? I have learned that we will not know until is happens. I am done trying to force this process. I am just along for the ride. If any of you reading this happen to be Facebook friends, PLEASE do not mention this on Facebook. I am keeping it very hush hush. As I said, I have no expectations and don't want people getting all excited about this. It's just a Hail Mary shot at a genetic child.