Waaaaaaaaaaa

                                                 

        

Okay, I take it all back. It's been building for the past week. I should know the signs by now. I am eating everything in sight, can't seem to get any work done and I am very grumpy with My Love. This is how anxiety seems to express itself in my life. Ugh. As much as I am DYING to see India I just DON'T WANT TO GO.  Insert tears and stomping feet here. It is NOT a vacation. It is NOT adventure. It is another very expensive heartbreak waiting to happen. I have been calm until now, but as it approaches I feel this is just another disaster waiting to happen. My life was FINALLY under control. I was on top of work, happy relaxed, working out daily, eating right. I'm going to come home from this about $17,000 poorer, beaten up from another egg retrieval, with another "well that didn't work" to add to our list. We are both going to be depressed and the holidays are going to suck. If one of the surrogates gets pregnant we are going to get our hopes up and she will miscarry. Oh, and the four year anniversary of trying to have a baby is happening while we are in India. I wish I could just be medicated into a stupor for the next month. If you try and tell me we might walk away from this trip with a baby I will come to your house, egg it, and smash your fucking pumpkins, so just DON'T.