Gratitude

Well I think I have finally reached the point that the universe has been trying to get me to. The retrieval was this morning. We only got 7 eggs which is a bit of a disappointment, but the only feeling I have been really overwhelmed with today is gratitude. In the past I have reminded myself over and over how lucky I am, but today the feeling is just there. This is without a doubt the calmest I have ever felt during the past 4 years of fertility treatments. I'm not battling to keep myself calm. I just am. Maybe it's 3 weeks in this part of the world. Maybe I have turned a corner in terms of how I deal with stress. Who knows. All I can tell you is that this morning there was not franticness or trepidation as I got ready for my appointment. I should have been rushing because I was running a little late. I didn't though. I just got ready at my own pace and made it there only 5 minutes after I was supposed to.  

I haven't gone into detail about the staff at the clinic, but each and every one of them is special. You have never met a kinder, more doting group of women in your life. I had a nice chat with the receptionist who I have become friends with. She tells me where to shop and where to get mehndi done. She a sweet and bubbly and a little hip for an Indian girl. All jeans and sneakers with a side ponytail instead of the more traditional punjabi suits . What is not to love about this girl? As I went in to get my retrieval done she asked if I am on Facebook. Um yeah, I am on Facebook! I think she and I are going to be fast friends. Do you think she'd shop for me here and mail it? We could do transcontinental clothing swaps! 

I went into the room where I would be prepped for and recover from the procedure. It's basically like a private room at a hospital. I went into the bathroom to change into the hospital gown. The sinks are made by a company called Cera. Whenever I see this name printed on the sinks I start humming Que Sera Sera to myself. It's a song with a lot of meaning to me. From all accounts Marlon's grandfather was a very special man. There isn't a person who doesn't soften when they tell stories about him. He used to sing Que Sera Sera to Marlon's mother when she was a girl. Marlon and his mother danced to this song at our wedding. I recently taught it to a dear friend's daughter. I never expected a spunky modern girl to fall in love with a Doris Day song, but she did. She sings beautifully and now when I sing this song in my head it's her voice I hear singing it. These are the thoughts that would go through my head as I put on my hospital gown. Marlon's grandfather and mother, Marlon and little Jillian all reminding me "Whatever will be will be. The future's not ours to see. Que sera sera." 

Dr. Shivani came in to walk me through everything. When she saw the mehndi on my hands she was impressed. It came out very dark. She said the women in India believe that the darker it is the more your husband loves you. Needless to say, I was thrilled to hear that ;)

Once I was all changed, forms filled out, briefed on the procedure, etc there was nothing to do but wait. I didn't feel like watching TV and couldn't focus when I tried to read so I just closed my eyes and relaxed. It was the one moment I was feeling a little alone. One of the nurses came in and we had a little chat. I was laying in the bed wearing my gown and the lovely shower cap looking hat they give you for surgery. As I was laughing at something she stroked my cheek with her hand and said "You are so pretty". It sounds creepy, but it was the sweetest, most motherly thing she could have done. She left the room and I almost stared crying. No matter what happens I will forever be grateful for having experienced India in this way. I am so overwhelmed with thanks. I am not getting my hopes up about the result of the transfer, but if it doesn't work I think I will be more disappointment about the fact that I don't get another extended visit to India than anything else! 

So, that's it. I now sit in my hotel room for the rest of the day. Tomorrow I'll do a little shopping in the neighborhood and at 1:30am on Tuesday I head home. I won't know what will be transfered until I get home.  In the meantime I'm just trying to enjoy my time here.